CHARLIE SHEEN AND ME

I worked my cat brain muscles long and hard yesterday helping Judy design her book trailer. I was put out because there was no footage of me.  We argued and because I don’t have speech capabilities I used my irresistible antics. I purred and stared. 

I was unable to convince her of my acting abilities. I told her if not me, many of my followers showed interest. "How about one of them?"  She agreed. I would check out their talents.

First,Jennifer took me aside and tried to work her charms. "I'll do anything to be in the video," she purred. I tried to explain it wasn't that kind of video.
Next - I call her Blondie -  but her public knows her as Meowing Marilyn, showed me her act. Not shabby. She was really quite good. Her moves flowed with a passion I don’t often see  here in Sun City. But she too, I had to disappoint, “It’s not that kind of video."

My buddy J. Beaver thought he had the perfect lyrics for the music track. I didn’t tell him he sounded like Jennifer on the fence at midnight before the vet took care of her affliction. 

The only one I seriously considered for the gig was my dear friend, Sheen, He has done some fantastic videos for Fancy Feast during his career, but fame made him think he was  invincible like a tiger. When I heard he was in Palm Springs for a shoot a couple of weeks ago, I asked Judy to drive me to his hotel. I promised Judy that with Charlie - he likes to be called that by his friends – he could really put our video over the top. When we arrived at the hotel, it was clear my friend Charlie hadn’t cleaned up his act. He had caroused all night, incapable of an audition. 

Last week we stopped by his condo in LA hoping we had just caught him at a bad time in Palm Springs. It was a sad sight. Fame can be so destructive.

Finally, Judy and I finished the video. I didn't get a part nor did Charlie or any of my friends, but the video is great. Judy was so excited about the book, she agreed to invite Charlie, J. Beaver, Madonna,  and Marilyn for the screening.Jennifer had moved on.
Judy announced, "GOING HOME WITH A CAT AND A GHOST is so close to being done, I don't know who is more excited, Sportster and me or our readers.  Here it is. Roll it, boys."

SANTA BARBARA SPORTSTER IMAGINES RETIREMENT

We are spending six quiet easy days here at the Elks Lodge in Goleta, California. I’m not disturbed by the occasional whistle of the Amtrak that roars past our campground. The sunny salty days are calming, peaceful, lulled by the rushing traffic on Highway 101.

I live for days like these and I know Judy does too. Although she still spends many hours at her computer, she takes breaks and we walk through the forested picnic area on the lodge grounds. I could do this forever.It is probably good that I cannot talk because we would get tangled in too many discourses about the quality of life.

I believe we should follow our nose. Even Judy’s rving friend, Vicki, who spent her life in the company of horses, quoted the philosophy of the steeplechaser:“Through your heart over the fence and the horse will follow.” Judy just finished  reading to me from the book titled, “The Art Of Racing In The Rain.” by Garth Stein. She read the lines in the book over and over, “That which you manifest is before you.” I would tell Judy that every day my thoughts are to be free and wild. If I am not actually experiencing the “ the wild,” I am manifesting our next adventure, except when I am sleeping in the safety of one of our two homes,  So, if I had the words, I would argue with Judy who, I know in her mind, has already thrown her heart over the fence. Her eyes are on retirement. Another quote from “The Art of Racing in the Rain,” “Your car goes where your eyes go.” Or in this case our motor home. 

But like the Enzo the dog who is now my hero, my tongue‘s function is limited to lapping water and combing my fur. So I watch Judy fight and kick the temptations of retirement like knotted bedcovers. The bedcovers are soft and warm, comforting but entangling. She retorts with, “How much is enough?” I can’t answer, but as Enzo related, "No race is ever won in the first corner..." 

LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF

For starters, let me introduce myself to those of you who have not had the privilege to meet me in Judy’s book, COAT TO COAST WITH A CAT AND A GHOST. I am a domestic short haired cat but some say I might have Bengal genes in my blood. As in the world of humans, we felines like to brag about our ancestry too, and I tend to sit a little taller when Judy discusses the possibility of my wild heritage.

I am a prosperous cat, able to afford two homes. One home, although it is stationary, I would not identify as my main residence, because I also spend large blocks of time in our second home that moves which Judy calls The Wizard of Winnebago. Photos of Judy, me and The Wizard can be found on the back cover her first book.

Since Judy’s time has become limited, she has allowed me to write this blog so we can keep in touch with our readers. I am always eager to help out when I can. And I am excited too, because I will be able to communicate with my fans. I do have a large following that is growing daily.

I got my start with Judy at her pet grooming salon, The Canine Beauty Salon. My mother had disappeared one day when I wandered too far from her side. I roamed the hot sidewalks of Sun City for several days looking for her, always hiding from everything that moved. I guess I must have just got dizzy from thirst and hunger making it easy for the man to sweep me up and take me to Judy. He had wanted to take me to jail, but Judy relieved him of the task assuring him she would find me a good home. All I remember from those first days was that the water was sweet and cold and I gobbled food until my belly ached. At first all I did was roll on the floor in piles of hair and chase tuffs of fur floating in the breeze. It didn’t take long to realize I could upgrade my toys to the hairy customers that Judy tended to on her table. Soon Judy began arranging playtime with select customers that I trained in “Kitten Play – 101.”

Judy was my first pick from all the people who came and went at the grooming shop. But I learned quickly how to work the flux of people with their pets. When I tired from play and the constant doting of the patrons, I collapsed onto a pile of colorful bows Judy kept in a drawer.

That is how I started out. But look at me now. I am older and my responsibilities are endless. I still assist Judy at the grooming shop, but my job of equal importance is co-author. I give technical and emotional support to Judy for her second book, GOING HOME WITH A CAT AND A GHOST. Yes I am in the second one too. We are spending most of our summer in our stick house as we wrap up the story and publish it.

But we have one more trip to do. We will be attending the Santa Barbara Writers Conference. Judy will spend most of her time networking and honing her craft for six days straight, and although I am not allowed to attend these kinds of functions, Judy always fills me in when she gets home. One reason I love Judy so much is that she includes me in everything. She turned down the room at the Hyatt and chose to stay in The Wizard, so we could at least have our evenings together.

I hope you visit often and drop words of encouragement.

It has been nice meeting you.

Sportster the cat.